lovinghalacha
Member
Can something like a platonic relationship exist? Amongst family members (outside of siblings obviously)?
POSTED 1 DAY AGO #
Sam2
Member
Some believe platonic relationships can exist even with non-family. A lot of people think they can’t. Some would be appalled at the idea that cousins of opposite genders can be friends while others would be appalled at the idea that they can’t. It depends on the community and the people.
how interesting. here’s a little tidbit for you. when the torah was given at har sinai, one of the psukim mentions the word bechi, which means crying. the meforshim explain (there are other explanations given) that even though the simcha was so great, many marriages had to be dissolved because of the issurei haarayos that were given at matan torah! can you imagine? all those forbidden relationships existed!
now, maybe you will say, yes but surely it wasn’t commonplace!
well then. some meforshim further explain that in fact it’s puzzling, why DID the torah assur the arayos? (obviously genetics isn’t the answer, as people had been doing it for many generations. indeed, most of the early generations of klal yisroel married blood relatives. it would seem that the genetics issue must have come about at a later time (or perhaps are a result of the issur? but thats a little mystical. not my style.). in any case, it isn’t the answer the rishonim give, so it is a moot point.) some take the question even further and ask (read carefully) that indeed this would seem to contradict logic, as the most sensible person for you to marry would be a close relation, SUCH AS A BROTHER MARRYING A SISTER! the reasons are obvious – they are from the same family, so they would be familiar with each others habits which would facilitate the developement of the relationship, in derech of avodas hashem they would have similar haskafic outlooks, and there are many other “minor” reasons it would be beneficial as well (inheritance, etc.) in addition, close family would be the natural first place to look, even outside the brother-sister relationship. meaning, one would naturally pair together a boy with his aunt if his sister wasn’t an option, for the same reasons mentioned above.
now isn’t that fascinating? (puts a whole new spin on why touching derech chiba is, according to (i believe most if not all) poskim, strictly forbidden outside of your mother and father.
the answer the rishonim give is that since people are biased, it could possibly happen that there would be a non-related girl who would really be better suited as an ezer kinegdo, but a man might still rather take his sister, because this way he can avoid a lengthy search for the right person (what about zivug? good question, i dont know, clearly the rishonim were dealing with the question in terms of our hishtadlus), and he already has a relationship with his sister so it’s much easier (or vica versa for girls). THUS hashem insured that we would always enter into a search for the “right” zivug, resulting in the appropriate level of hishtadlus leading up to marriage.
now that doesn’t sound platonic to me.
halacha, incidentally, reflects this to a degree. without parents in the house, it is assur for a brother and sister to live together for more than a week or two (the exact time frame is debated by poskim).
A BROTHER AND SISTER???? can you imagine? well halacha can.
just my two cents ^_^