“I might actually send her this email but change it around a little.”
Great. (not sarcastic)
Feel free to try it out here first if you’d like to get CR haskama…You’d probably learn a lot from the changes that may be suggested
“How can I make it sound less defensive?”
Remember your goal is to both be on the same team:
-never blame her (use the I statement,never You)
-pay attention to the non-verbals (facial expression, body language…)
-pay attention to your tone (no sarcasm, condescension,..) and your decibel level (always speak calmly)
-reassure her that your goal is to have a positive and healthy relationship and you need her help to get there
-ask her what you could do to make her feel better towards you, and literally just take notes mechanically without reacting
-set guidelines how each should tell the other when “slipping up” in future, a reality when trying new patterns of communication.
It gets easier as you become accustomed to the new way of relating, and it is SOOO worth the effort.
For both of you.