ILC, it sounds like your mother and you both can use some coaching. You can actually learn how to coach your mother. Emailing a non-communicative parent is easier than trying to speak to one who is in denial. She can read it over and over until she gets it. However you have to read it over and over again until it does NOT sound accusatory and confrontational. It has to be about your feelings and your needs.
“Mom, I am choosing to write to you because it seems we cannot communicate in person without getting into verbal fist fights that is truly hurtful and regrettable. I really need you to listen to understand.”
“Mom, I love you but sometimes I feel shut out of your life”
“Sometimes I feel that the Blackberry is more important than me”
“I feel so disrespected when you choose not to put your blackberry game on hold in order to give me a few minutes of your time and attention, after all you can pause it, it unlike myself does not have feelings and does NOT have to be respected”
“You probably don’t realize this but I not only feel disrespected I feel rejected even though it is NOT your intention”
“Mom, I do love to help you, but when I don’t feel appreciated it is very difficult to repeat an action”
“I only have one Mom, and our relationship means the world to me. Having said that I need you to understand that what happens between us can either “make me or break me”.
“Mom, as the parent in this relationship it is YOUR job to care for me, encourage me, help me, make time for me, be there for me. Teach me by being my role model in order for me to give back to you. Please realize that I will learn from you how to “give back” to you in the same way that you are giving to me. Should I then make my computer games more important than speaking to you, helping you and communicating with you?”
“I should be able to expect Love, honor, loyalty, compassion, respect and dignity from my mom. These are the best values and qualities she should be role modeling and teaching me. Can we work on that?”
Ok, how does that sound? That is a bit different from what you were writing. Can you put a letter together on such a path?