“She is always on her phone, computer claiming to be “busy” but when I pass by her I see that she is just entertaining herself (movies, emails to friends, etc). Im not against that, for I feel that she also needs her time out (break) but dont just sit there for hours! Or spend the entire day talking to your friends and claim that you are too busy to hear what I have to say.”
It seems to me that she is trying to avoid her responsibilities as a parent. It sounds to me that maybe she feels like a failure as a mother because she is trying some form of avoidance/escapism. OR maybe she is suffering from depression. OR maybe she feels unhappy in her marriage, but cannot do anything about it, so she takes it out on a symbol of her marriage (a child).
I think that many parents get into a certain mode of relationship and communication with their children and don’t change it, even though their children have grown up and changed.
I’m no psychologist, but it seems to me that she needs professional help – a therapist, a Rav, or both. Speak with your father, as you implied that he knows you are having a difficult time with her. OTOH, maybe she is jealous that you are getting a lot of attention from him. So you may need to speak with him when she is out of the house.
Just a crazy idea, but the next time she goes off on a rant, tell her that you need a minute to get some paper to write down all that she is saying. Or ask her if you can record it so that you can learn from it. Do this with a straight face. Act as though you just got an audience with a great Rav/Rebbitzen and you want to remember and understand what is being told to you. Afterward, review what she told you and ask her a few serious questions for clarification. Why go through this excersize? 1) You should be more calm and respectful when she rants. You make it sound as though you are partially responsible for the escalation of the arguments, so just sit there and take notes. 2) It might make her think more clearly when she is ranting, as opposed to the uncontrolled tirade. 3) If she reads/hears what she is saying – later when she calms down, she might be surprised as to what has left her mouth. 4) She might get some more (self) respect which seems to be what she needs.