observanteen, your letter was so touching, what a great idea for a thread!
Miritchte, that’s a moving letter..
Talking of being careful what you put on paper – i once wrote something very personal and a very close friend got to see it .. she was terrified! But still i find it a great way to express oneself and do it all the time..
i wrote this to a friend.. May G-d have mercy ..
Chaya,
I’m writing on paper to you, words that i could never say to you, or let you know.
Chaya,
Where are you? What’s happening to you? How i wish for your happiness! How i wish for your pain to go, for you not to feel so alone, so unbearabley alone.
I watch from afar, i know you’re struggling. I know that life is a constant battle, a constant fight. And i know you are strong. You are strong and you can win. If only you will continue to fight.
I understand, i understand without really understanding anything at all.
The whirlpool is confusing, it’s so overwhelming, it’s taken it’s wings and spread itself over you.
I know that you feel you are under.
And that you have no address, nobody to turn to..
The only real Address is beyond your grip at the moment. You don’t see, you cannot see how you can possibly turn to G-d at all. Yiddishkeit is only a side issue for you.
And so you continue to struggle, to battle the tides of confusion and pain, to face day to day life in a world that has gone against you, where those you love most have hurt you the most. I wish i could speak to your parents, to beg them to understand you and believe you, to believe in you!
Chaya, i know you have the strength to fight. You have questions, you have doubts – but above all, is the pain. i know you have it hard to express yourself, you always have. You’ve come along way since those days we used to spend together. You understood me in a way that many people don’t and didn’t.
I don’t know if you’re still hoping, Chaya, and i know that you don’t care to know – but i will still hope for you. And i will do the one thing that will help you – i will pray to G-d to have mercy on you, to show you a way out of the pain and lead you to have some connection with him..
With love,