If, when it was good, it WAS good, than it might be worth salvaging. Circumstances can change how we behave and make us feel like it will never be good again. Here’s a hard question: are you seeing CHARACTER flaws in her or a response to stress on both of your parts that has the potential to be worked on?
My husband has this phrase “too bad, so sad”. To me it means don’t expect change. You’ve painted a picture of your wife as someone who will play the victim and who will focus on her needs. You did not describe her as a mean malicious person. To me, if a spouse is a mean person who acts cruelly and puts you down, contemplating moving on would be more obvious.
It sounds like you’d like your wife to be less picky with assignments and accept more, but more than that, to bare with you while you work on getting your business off the ground. I married a businessman. I can tell you, what helps is to discuss a time limit, by which time, if it doesn’t show signs of success, you fold and move on. I lived my whole life with businessmen and I can tell you it can be a hard life financially. One week money, the next not. Borrowing…the wife working, working….
I was a latchkey kid. My mother never knew I was skipping first period in high school because I couldn’t get there on time at 13. I was a GOOD girl, just irresponsible. I needed involved parents. Mine were too exhausted to be there for me. What you’re doing is l’maan the family, but it can turn into a selfish persuit if it goes on and on. Set your own time limit. Share that with her. You might find this relieves some of the pressure. Ask her, openly, without judgement, what kind of lifestyle she dreams about (working part time, being home,etc). Try to find a way to work together towards a common goal. It doesn’t sound like she’s on track with you about your business. Was she supportive at all or did the opposition come when the finances shrunk?
A home is only a home if kids see a family. It still sounds like you can work on this and make it so, with the right help. Stay strong. Keep asking. We’ll try to keep on helping.