Working on it,
A few things:
Maybe when she says rude things to you, she thinks it’s “cute” sarcasm. I have seen some women do this, and they had to be told that their words are rude and destructive. I’m trying to be Dan LChaf Zechut – at least with her intentions.
I have seen that some women think after they are married that they can say anything to their husbands. After all, he is supposed to be there for her. My wife used to joke that I was her punching bag. She would dump on me all her negative feelings that she could not dump on others who really deserved it, like her boss. Being the “punching bag” was cute at first, but after a while I totally got sick of it, so I told her to stop.
You have mentioned her rude comments to you. What have you said to her that was not nice, if you did? Have you ever told her what she said was inappropriate?
As passfan asked above, how do you owe $8500 a month? That sounds a bit hefty to me.