Hummingbird, what you have brought up is very closely related to an essay I posted recently about being perceptive. From what you’ve said, I can see you are a very perceptive person and always looking out for things that can be done to help others. And the bottom line is, unfortunately, that most people aren’t that perceptive, and therefore, don’t notice the things you may do for them. I don’t think it’s that they’re unappreciative, I think they just may not realize the full extent of your chessed for them, and therefore don’t think of showing appreciation because of that.
Now, in terms of what can be done to help you in such situations, I think ayc’s suggestions are really good. It could be if you tell these people what you are doing for them, and show them how much you care for them, they will start realizing it more, and begin showing the appreciation you so deserve. That would help in your personal dilemma. But on a broader scale, I think the only way in general that people will begin to show appreciation and give thanks in these types of scenarios is if they become more perceptive to these things. It’s difficult, but I think everyone is capable of achieving it.
Here’s the thread I was referring to in case you want to look at it: http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/being-perceptive-its-amazing