kapusta
“I was bothered by what she did, but if it wouldn’t bother me, I would still be doing the Chessed.”
-Tell them that although you enjoyed doing the chesed, when she did _____, it made you feel unappreciated and used. See how she responds. You need to communicate your stand on the event.
-Tell them calmly what it is you need from her so that you will feel more comfortable doing the chesed.
-You’d be amazed how some people just didn’t realize and immediately change their behavior. But if you still get grief, replace this chesed with another recipient. There is no shortage of need in this area. You mention Ohr Naava in other threads; there’s actually a special chesed coordinator there.
It shows a lot about your character, that you are bothered by the fact that you would still be doing her chesed.
Kol hakavod.