I’m so sorry for your terrible and unacceptable experiences. However I think that you are making some generalizations that may not be completely accurate. A lot may depend on the neighborhood, etc. My kids go to a chareidi cheder in Ramat Beit Shemesh. I have also seen this phenomenon that kids here are more openly negative towards people who are different. (And it is not just skin color — my kids were made fun of because of their lack of Hebrew skills when we first moved, and I know of other kids having different issues as well.) However I have found the teachers and administration to be trying very hard to stop this type of behavior. When I spoke to them they were in complete agreement that these things were unacceptable, and spoke extensively to the students about proper middos and derech eretz. They also punished the ringleaders.
I don’t think that the rebbe you spoke to who brushed it off was reflective of the general attitude of all chareidi people.
It is also true that society here is much “tougher” than what is acceptable in the U.S. – both the secular Israeli society and the chareidi Israeli society. For better or for worse, people ARE more “thick skinned”, with it being the norm to yell and argue vehemently with others in public, etc. I was told when I got here that when dealing with bureaucracy I should never be afraid that I am being too rude or pushy, because as an American it is impossible — even my rudest and most aggressive conversations would be considered normal business here.
Onaas Devorim like you were the victim of is never muttar — but it helps to understand the cultural context that these kids are coming from as well.
mdd — On what do you base your rather strange assumption that Jews in Eretz Yisroel are not so concerned about “bein adam le’chaveiro”? Is there less tzedakah and Chessed in Eretz Yisroel? More stealing or cheating? More Loshon Harah? My experience has been quite the opposite, with the tremendous amount of Bein Adam L’chaviero here being quite inspiring. From gemachim on every corner to Chessed organizations, and the huge plethora of “ahavas yisroel” and “shmiras haloshon” groups. Are there those individuals everywhere with bad middos? Of course! But to make a general statement that the situation in Eretz Yisroel is as you described it just motzei shem rah on huge numbers of ehrliche frum Jews.