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Don’t give up because you question HaSh-m’s existence.
I’m quite sure you have never seen most of the planets in our solar system (much less other solar systems) yet I’m sure you believe they exist. Perhaps you feel how can HaSh-m exist if He allowed ‘xyz’ to happen? You don’t understand how He did this, or did not do that. All those feeelings are very understandable, but think about it… If you COULD understand everything HaSh-m does, or doesn’t do, that would make YOU as wise as HaSh-m. Would you really want the Creator to not be any smarter than you?!? I don’t know how old you are, but think about this… a parent often disciplines a child in ways the child does not understand. WHY did my father slap me when I was putting the screwdriver in the electric outlet, why was he so mean? Why wont my mother let me cross the street by myself, I AM 4 years old! –
Of course, when we get older and more mature, the reasons for these things become obvious to us. But we have to understand that even as adults, our FATHER (Avinu she’bashamayim) will also often do things that may be incomprehensible to us. In most cases we will not understand them until at, be”H, 120, we get to olam ha’ba. It is ok to not understand why, it is ok to wonder why, but just like our human parents ARE still our parents even when, as kids, we didn’t always understand their actions, we must remember that HaSh-m too, IS still there – even when we don’t understand His.