well i thought you were both frummer than that. and i’m sure it’s a subconscious thing. i don’t think anyone wakes up and says “what can i change in moish today?”
if you asked me, it’s a need to feel like they have some control in a relationship. if it makes them happy what do i care? i don’t change for anyone and they know it. so let them say what they want. and no, they aren’t annoying.