WolfishMusings,
Thank you for responding.
Your example of an EMT (by the way, did you know that I used to be an EMT?) is not really applicable[…]
Didn’t know that… when I first typed the response I put policeman, but changed it to EMT to avoid the complications of a warrant, etc.
I’m not aware of anything that says that one is allowed to be sad on Shabbos just for sake of being sad.
That’s not the issue. If I tripped on Shabbos and fell against a wall with a light switch and accidentally turned the light on, am I a mechalel Shabbos? Oops, didn’t mean to do that… now I can’t say vayechulu with the tzibbur next Shabbos? No, because the melacha was involuntary. A mechalel Shabbos, on the other hand, does his aveiros on purpose. You, however, wrote in your response to kako above:
It is what I am, and it pains me terribly that that’s the way I am, but I am certainly not “ok” with it.
This indicates that your sadness is involuntary, which does NOT make you a mechalel Shabbos. It’s not like you wear torn clothes, fast, and wail in public on Shabbos [at least, I’m assuming you don’t!]. Involuntary sadness that affects your ability to accomplish what you want to is called depression, and if it is upsetting you this much, you should really speak to someone you trust, rather than publicly beating yourself up on the CR. I am affected emotionally by the change of seasons (likely due to the lack of sunlight), and sometimes when it’s really bad, I feel like I’m defective… like some grooves were dug into my brain that cause irrational sadness that other people don’t have. Because intellectually I know I don’t have anything to be sad about, yet I’m sad anyway. Then to make matters worse, my yetzer hara comes and tells me that I’m sinning, reminding me of the admonishment of a husband and father to not be melancholy, and so on top of sad, I feel like a bad person. That’s a trick that the yetzer hara plays, because if I feel like a sinner, then I stay sad. Now that I understand more about the physical causes of my feelings, my wife kicks me outside with my toddler in a stroller when there’s a lot of sunshine. I also try to take a walk during the day outside of the office. The extra sun exposure and exercise help with the sadness.
Any judgements I make apply to myself and myself only.
Are you saying that you’re different, somehow, from other Jews? A tzaddik who’s held to a higher standard? Again, I think this is possibly a trick of the yetzer hara.
I don’t know why you would assume that I didn’t give the person I spoke with the complete, unadulterated truth. I assure you that that’s not the case.
You told this person that you have had problems with feeling sad occasionally on Shabbos, even though you don’t want to be sad, and would like help to not feel sad, and s/he replied that you’re a sinner and should avoid saying vayechulu on Shabbos?? Sounds nuts to me.
Nonetheless, I stand by his ruling, as one does not go “p’sak shopping.”
You have not said that this person is your rav. I’d recommend getting rulings from your rav, and only after giving a full and accurate picture of your issue (e.g., not just saying, “R’ X, in theory, is someone who consistently violates a Shabbos prohibition in the S”A considered a mechalel Shabbos?” and so on).
No. You’ll notice that my blogging activity has dropped off considerably in the past year.
I have not read your blog enough to know much about your posting habits, but I have read enough to know that there you criticize what you see as craziness, and here you accept craziness and apply it to yourself.