BTguy: That’s a good question. And I’m not sure I can answer it.
I’ll add some more to the question. Hashem also threatens us with eternal damnation. So maybe you should threaten to burn your kids fingers if he doesn’t go to shul?
Now, I think most of you will agree that will be counterproductive. So what is the answer?
I need to think about it. And I might not have anything.
All I do know, is what works and what doesn’t. And role modeling works- punishment and rewards don’t. And that is just how it is.
Punishment and rewards are only good for short term effects. And sometimes you only want short term effects. So if you just don’t want your kid to run in the street, a punishment will probably work (as long as you can always monitor them, and always increase the punishment- and still would probably be a bad idea overall).
But if you want to influence your kid? If you want them to change who they are? Role modeling. Change who you are.