Reply To: HaKaras HaTov -Vital for Good Marriage?

From WIY’s post: “Usually people who don’t appreciate have a slew of other problems. So keep your eyes open for signs of an attitude problem, arrogance, selfishness and self absorption, thinking they are always right…”.

WIY – you are so correct – if only you would have been at my right side ready to advise me before I got married, I might have been saved from a disaster… – what started out as a failure to utter a simple thank for valuable presents (i.e. for the diamond ring during engagement), turned into slew of other issues after the Chasunah – i.e. always thinking she was right, unwilling to change one’s tone of voice in communicating despite my request that she talk B’Nachas even when she must criticize. Probably was also self-absorbed and had a negative attitude toward Rabbonim that she knew better than them waht to do – i.e. such as refusing to go to the Mikvah often). However, it is still very tough to judge the entire character of a person before marriage (remember the Vort of Havei Dun Es KOL HaAdam L’Kaf Zchus (Pirkei Avos) – i.e. when one sees a incipient character flaw, and assuming you really have “fallen” for that girl, you may eaily justify your choice for her in that her flaw is limited to a minor scenario, while convincing yousrelf that the entirety of the person is still good. Well obviously sometimes these justifications are killers and could cause one to throw out the better part of one’s life in a miserable marriage. Pleae kindly advise and give perspective on this issue.

Thank you very much.