To any parent that goes through this nisayon, the one most important thing to tell your children is this “I love you no matter what”. It is so very important to show them unconditional love.
Even though our yiddishkeit and our frumkeit is our whole life and it is who we are, we must show our children that THEY even come before that. “I love you no matter what”. They need to know that you love them and respect them for being your child. You don’t have to agree with them, you don’t have to respect their choices or even like them, but you have to separate them from what they are currently going through. If they feel that their family “hates them”, which they do quite often, it only pushes them further away. If they feel they are a disappointment to the family they feel there is no means of return.
Children are a gift from Hashem. They don’t come with warranties, guarantees, nor instructions. Hashem does not c”v tell you that if the child does not follow your way then you can return the gift or throw it away if you are not satisfied with it. That child is going through their own nisayon and you are going through yours. It is a huge challenge for both of you. What that child does and what happens with that child is between him and Hashem. How you treat that child, that gift from Hashem, how you love that child is between you and Hashem. That is your challenge.
When you realize that you should not care what others think. When you realize that you should not care what others say. When you realize that you should only care about what that child thinks about you and your relationship, then it will be easier for you to say “I love you no matter what.”