cantoresq – did you hear me equating the two ? You said that a system cannot be correct for you if it doesn’t work for you. i simply gave an example showing that that is not true.
You are entitled to label something arbitrary. But if someone disagrees – as I assume those ascribing to the shidduch system do – then they are entitled to help from those who are part of that system. You believe its arbitrary, so those trying to help the shidduch crisis are not addressing you.