aries2756
Smartness runs in my family.
There is a huge difference between forgiving and forgetting. It is easier to forgive than forget, but it is almost impossible to forget if you don’t forgive. In addition just because one forgives someone that does NOT necessarily mean that you pick up the relationship where you left off.
Why is it important to forgive? Not forgiving keeps us chained to that person forever. It takes a lot of energy to hold that grudge and be angry at someone. Choosing never to forgive someone means that you are forcing yourself to remember that person and choosing to be angry at them consistently reminding yourself of what that person did to you. “I will never forgive “x” for ……. and so on. This is a daily process almost from waking to going to sleep. Every morning you wake up and remind yourself how angry you are at so and so because of what they did, and if someone so much as mentions that person’s name or you see someone who lives on their block, or goes to the same school, or reminds you of them in some way, shape, or form, you will remind yourself again of why you will never forgive them for…….. On the other hand, that person probably doesn’t care, doesn’t remember, or doesn’t even know that you are angry. One of the three, and does not expend any energy in this disagreement at all. While you are busy thinking about them every day, they don’t give you a second thought while they go about their business. Which in turn makes you even more upset.
So look at both sides of the coin here. By not forgiving the “victim” relives the pain over and over and over again, while the “initiator” is not affected by the entire controversy at all and does not suffer one iota from the entire incident. Who is worse off and who is better off? What happens through the process of forgiving?
When a person chooses to forgive whether they tell the other party that they are forgiven or not, what happens is they free themselves from that prison of pain. They no longer HAVE to remember the hurt and the injustice done to them. They can now choose to put that person out of their hearts and out of their minds. That person is no longer important to them and is no longer a player in their world. This in turn allows them to heal and gives them an opportunity to forget the entire affair. It is impossible to forget the incident as long as you are still angry and choose to not to forgive. No matter how much a person claims that the initiator is not important to them, subconsciously they are because they are the key player in pain process.
I hope this was helpful in some way, and that you will be able to logically “choose” to forgive even though you can’t emotionally choose to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. “I choose to forgive you, him, her because it just takes too much energy to be angry at you….I can’t control other people, only myself and I can’t change other people only myself therefor I can’t control what you do or did. I don’t have to like you or be your friend but I can choose to like myself enough to NOT relive the pain of the incident over and over again. I therefore forgive your lack of common sense, your streak of meanness, your need to speak loshon horah (or whatever else it was) because you are in control of your own poor choices and there is nothing I can do about it other than learn never to make those same bad choices in my own life”.