Then, speak to your wife. Do not tell her what your mother said. You should tell your wife that you love her and want to know her views on a mil dil relationship because you want her to have a good relationship with your mother.
Ask her if she feels comfortable talking to your mother. Depending on what she answers, you would tell your wife,”I think it will make my mother very happy if you could call her around once a week. Is that something you would feel comfortable doing?”
You must resolve to accept anything your wife says. Therefore, if your wife says she can’t do that then you must accept that she has good reasons and still support your wife even if you disagree with her.
Remember that your duty is to support your wife first. I know marriages that were ruined because of the in laws.
This issue might never be resolved. Why? because it could be that even if your wife calls your mother every week, your mother might feel that your wife is not really opening up to her. If your mother is always comparing her dils with your wife, this seems that this will be a life long conflict and realize that this is common, unfortunatly, why?
because it is all about expectations, boundaries, and priorities:
In this situation, your mother thinks it is very IMPORTANT for her dils to call her weekly. Your wife thinks it is NOT IMPORTANT for her to call her mil.
Your mother expects things from your wife that were never communicated to your wife.
Remember you picked your wife and your wife chose you, but your mother and wife did not choose each other!
Therefore, your mother needs to take a step back and realize that she is very lucky she is close with her other dils, but if your wife is different, she must just appreciate the times that your wife DOES come over and apprectiate your wife for making you happy.
Your mother must accept your wife for who she is. So far, it seems your mother wants a close mother-daughter relationship with your wife, but she does not realize that she is acting the opposite of a mother to a daughter, why? because many parents might be insulted but ultimately realizes that they just want their daughters to be happy and do not want to make trouble in their daughter’s marriage.
If your mother wants to have a mother-daughter relationship with your wife, she must show the utmost care and concern for who your wife is and not just put demands on your wife because that is like a boss telling your wife what to do; your wife does not need another boss!
In my view, family is to respect each other and tolerate/accept each others’ differences/choices/decisions/actions etc. even if they disagree. That they must love each other regardless of differences which means to show the highest level of concern and care based on each persons’ needs and desires.
In your case, you could tell your mother that it is expected that she will accept your daughter for what she does do and not “look down” at her (or be insulted) for what she does not do.
I am interested in hearing what you have to say regarding my posts; I thought lond and hard about this issue because I am dealing with a mil who is a very caring person but does not show care and concern to ME because she always thinks of what SHE would want in the situation and did think of my needs!