“I didn’t read the original article, but what people write, tells you exactly what they think. Nobody writes a statement, and then says, I don’t really agree with what I wrote. They write exactly what they think is correct.”
Computer, with all due respect, If you did not read it, read it first, and then comment. You speak from a place of partial information and heresay. She wrote what she thought, on that you are correct. She THINKS that when a girl comes to a shidduch meeting specifically for the purpose of meeting the women who will be judging her as good enough for their sons, she would be wise to put on a little makeup, comb her hair nicely, and wear attractive clothing. SHE IS 1000% RIGHT. Unfortuantely we have allowed the system to become very shallow and judgmental based on LOOKS. I did not make it that way. Mrs. Mandelbaum did not make it that way. The fact that you replied to my post as you did, proves that you do not understand either her point or my own. And that is the problem.
I personally do not like the idea of plastic surgery. it is invasive, and not without risks. But would you argue that many otherwise plain or even homely young women who underwent it, did not emerge more attractively, which had a positive impact on both their dating and their self-esteem? I never said women should be trophies for their husbands. I said that the reality today is TRAGICALLY that guys want trophy wives and are more concerned with the dress size than the size of the heart. It’s harsh to hear that, true, but it has become more and more obvious in this day and age, that this is exactly how shidduchim are being redt. The so-called desirable girls are getting the dates first, because if a mother sees three pictures of young women, and two are plainer than the third, she will look at the prettier one first, and agree to that shidduch, if all else is equal.
Stop blaming the person who made this observation. The fact that you don’t like what she had to say, does not mean she was mistaken. I don’t like it any better than you do, but it is what it is.
Computer 777, you would be shocked to know how VERY many frum girls DO get plastic surgery, and just do not publicize it. It makes me feel upset that our young girls are in this position (that they have to compete with each other), but in any competition, you need to know your target audience and within reason, do what it takes to get the job. And don’t we after all, refer to the Shidduch profiles as resumes, and the contact info as references (both concepts are bothersome to me)? Well, when you have made a strictly social venture into a business one, it would only make sense when there is more than one candidate for the “job” that the candidates should all put their best feet and faces forward. And that is what the article was saying.
(Computer 777)” A size 2 instead of a size 8? Are you kidding? That is sick!! Get plastic surgery? That’s sick, too! I would understand that one individual can have such facial features that plastic surgery would indeed be suggested, but to come home from such a event, and suggest it for several, uh uh, that is extremely shallow. Such shallowness has no place in a Jewish home.”
That is not exactly what she or I said. This concept is an unfortunate progression from the actions of the mothers of the boys, and worse yet, from the boys themselves (who should not even be knowing what a girl’s dress size is). You are right – it IS sick! Plastic surgery was not suggested for several – it was suggested that if it was NEEDED, a girl should not feel hesitant about it. Mrs. Mandelbaum went on to painfully reveal her own past issue with feeling unattractive, which encouraged her to have rhinoplasty, I believe. That had to be a very difficult admission for her to make publicly. I am the one who is shocked, that anyone has failed to understand her point. It is her observation and commentary on the reality of the situation today. She wasn’t saying anything (re: putting on makeup)that a mother who wants her child to look her best, would not tell her to do for a job interview, much less a shidduch meeting. I admit that plastic surgery is extreme, but she was speaking to the issue of specific people, and not as a general rule. It SHOULD be different by Yidden. But sadly, it is NOT.