“While your posts are well written, what annoyed me was that you admit that today’s day people are concerned with this nonsense, yet you think it’s fine for someone to write an article encouraging the nonsense. Of course, it’s true that girls should take care of their appearance when they are in marriageable age, and it’s a mother’s job to make sure that that happens. I believe most do. There are those that don’t. If she just said what you said she would be wise to put on a little makeup, comb her hair nicely, and wear attractive clothing, I highly doubt the backlash would be the same, and if it is indeed as mild as that, then I admit my criticism is misplaced. And then I don’t understand why you call it an unfortunate attitude of today’s day. My guess is this has always applied.”
I don’t think it’s fine for either this to be the prevailing attitude OR for such an article to NEED to be written. The fact is that she was commenting abotu what she observed. That was her right. She feels that the girls need to fahpitz when meeting the people who may be a strong deciding factor and have great impact on their marriageability. Can we agree that all girls, beautiful, plain, and homely (by subjective criteria, always) should make the most of what Hashem gave them?
It was never suggested that ANY girl get the type of plastic surgery enhancement that was mentioned. A nose job, or fixing a receeding chin, is not the same as getting liposuction and altering the shape of things that bochurim should not be even looking at. And btw, that is not what Mrs. M. said. She was talking primarily about her own nose job, and suggesting that if a big nose is holding a girl back from being redt shidduchim, that she should not be afraid of the possibility of correcting it surgically. She did not advocate for plastic surgery across the board. I believe she might have stated that her nose was hindering her own shidduch situation, and she was so happy with the end result.
I believe this attitude is new, in the sense that when I was dating, no mother would have DARED to ask for a picture of the girl OR boy. A blind date was just that – no forwarning. At least those girls were being set up. Nowadays, there has been so MUCH emphasis on looks that we have an epidemic of frum girls with eating disorders, trying to become the size that has taken the palce of NORMAL. I think it is sick. But I also cannot hide my head int he sand. It is a fact of life that this is what is being normatized in the frum world. Until the Rabbanim and the Roshei Yeshivah instruct their bochurim to actually look beyond the “look” of a girl, the situtation will unfortunately remain the same as it is today. I do not think it is great to encourage this nonsense, but it is here to stay, at least for now, and you need to deal with life as it is, not as you wish it were.