rubberbands, do you realize that you are acting exactly like what you are accusing your uncle of? How?
WELL, many family feuds are because each family/person is brought up differently and have different personalities, needs… so that causes each person to have a different idea of what is expected.
For example, if one aunt works and the other does not, the one who works might not want to shlep out to evening events while the stay at home aunt might be chalishing to get out and might be insulted if the working aunt constantly says she can’t go out with her.
Basically, rubberbands, you are judging him saying why cant he just “get over the issue” and have “what to do with your family”.
Realize that whatever the issue is, your uncle feels strongly about it and it is important to HIM. You cant want to have a good relationship with him, and then still judge him harshly because you must make what is important to him, important to you. This is what relationships are all about.
Obviously, for a reason you do not know (so you cant understand), your uncle decided it is better to not have any contact. It is a smart thing to do because if for whatever reason, there is a feud, then there will just be more negativity and aveiros… when there is still contact.
I agree with cherrybim, but I must add that if they were hurt, you are being insensitive to their pain by just expecting them to “get over it”.
I am talking from experience because I know of a family who spent hours on the phone with their inlaws trying to make peace, but one feuding relative kept saying (by not admitting to herself) “I did not do anything wrong” “everything is fine; i am not upset” So, the second feuding relative said “If you are not upset fine, but I am upset, so I want to discuss the issues to try to have a positive relationship”. However, the feuding relative kept saying that the second relative had no right to be upset and said that the issue was “all in your head”… These type of comments just prove the insensitivity of the first relative. This is one of the things that pained the second relative. The first relative did not
acknowledge the things that were important to the second relative.
Obviously, the feud is deeper than the above as it would take pages to explain the details.
My point is that rubberbands, YOU MUST STOP JUDGING your family member for avoiding contact because then, you are being insensitive. How? you are not trying to see the situation from his perspective and therefore you are being insensitive to his pain which is the OPPOSITE OF FAMILY.
A family member should be supportive of whatever it is the other members sensitivities priorities…. are