SJS, thank you for your clear reply. If I understand you correctly, you agree that teenagers should be separated when possible, even in “neutral” settings (a wedding etc.)
You disagree as far as married couples & singles.
Let’s start with singles. You say if they are going to be inappropriate they will be inappropriate even in a controlled shidduch setting.
I don’t believe this is correct. Young people when together do create attraction. But many are not tachlis oriented, or at least not that point in their lives. Do you believe that a young bais yakov girl couldn’t be taken in a by a handsome boy who has no intention of putting a ring on her finger? Now, true, this boy has bad intentions, but she doesn’t. But, as we know, men & women are drawn in – and so can the finest Bais Yakov girl. But if we separated the genders, our young “predator” wouldn’t be able to access her; he would only be able to access girls whom equally weren’t looking for tachlis in other settings, as you pointed out.
But for our Bais Yakov girl, that makes the difference. She should have the maturity, yada yada yada – but she doesn’t. Most do not. She should. But she doesn’t. Now what? This is the situation we seek to avoid. Because everything that happens starts with a neutral conversation. And this is the main point: for many, many people this the difference. They will not seek out issurim. But if left in front of them, they will not be able to stand up to the test. Perhaps they should. But chazal teach us not to trust ourselves. And again, bitter experience shows this, again and again. Like everything. This is the essence of advertising. But if they want ice cream, won’t they buy it anyway? No, you’ve got to blare it in there face. Some people will buy it anyway. And some will be mature enough not to buy it even your advertisment. But some are in the grey area. And you’ll break their willpower, and push your profits up.
This grey area, apparently is worth billions of dollars in advertisments and endorsements.
However, if let our innocent bais yakov girl spend three hours in a controlled setting with one previously vetted young man – whom , if they are indeed a match, will be married in six months – the chances of something happening are much lower. Heck, in many circles today he doesn’t get her phone number until they are playing for keeps.
You have said that never saw anything happen when married people mix. Of course you don’t see it. It’s an innocent conversation. It’s the wink of eye. It’s a little extra tension, when her husband seems so much more handsome & kind, and behold, he has the most horrible wife. Poor boy…I would appreciate him. Aish has a great article about this. http://www.aish.com/f/m/92618844.html
It progresses from there, beneath your rader. I have seem this happen. I am invovled in H. This happens, again and again. And without the innocent venue, those people who stand in the grey area would be safer.
That’s where I disagree with you; the grey area people. Most of us are there.
Now, true, I’m not sure everything amoung married people needs to totally separated; I know that friendships with the opposite gender are deadly to a marriage. The connection certainly is deadly.
To summarize, certainly for single people the shidduchim system is far safer then open mingling. And amoungst married people, anything that leads to relationships between a man and a woman – married to others – will only lead to destruction. Yes, not always. And I know, there is an anecdote where this didn’t happen. But often it does. And we worry. And not about others; I mean myself. Ein Apitropus L’Arayos. I have seen great people fall to this ; haven’t you? The grey area makes a big difference.
And again, I believe that decades ago this wasn’t necessary. But 60% of the secular married population has affairs; of those will excellent marriages (!) 20%! With excellent marriages! I believe that society has gotten terribly corrupt, and that has influenced how we act, how we dress, how we interact and look at the other gender. And so, we much try to bandage this terribly wound.
But again, it doesn’t solve the deeper problem. But it’s something.