Moq, I don’t necessarily agree with seperating teenagers (especially if they are cousins), but I understand the point.
As to singles – the naive Bais Yaakov girl will start dating the guy and see that he has no intention of proposing. She will then break it off. The same thing could occur in the shidduch scene – guy dates but has no real plans to marry. I know many girls who started this way and ended up marrying as well (my friend came back from seminary and started dating because “thats what you do” and she had no desire to actually date, but she met a great guy and got married). I started dating my husband in college without thinking I was ever getting married, but we made it work.
IME, most people hitting thier early 20s at least are ready to date for tachlis. From MO to Chassidish (and of course some are ready at 18). At that age, meeting the right person may sway you from “not right now” to “lets get married.”
Agian, no need to totally abandon the research. Children should turn to their parents for advice as well. And they should have serious conversations up front no matter what. This is not unique to the shidduch system.
As to married people – those who want to cheat on thier spouses will find ways and reasons. I’ve never seen it BECAUSE of a mixed event. We host shabbos company all the time. We all socialize together. One day I called my friend and asked her to go to the park with her son – she couldn’t come so her husband and son came instead. Our kids played and I had a nice time with her husband. V’zehu. Conversations were 100% kosher. The only way to prevent these problems is 100% isolation to the extreme – women locked up at home never to leave. Men never to see another woman.
I understand not encouraging relationships between married men and women, but the same way you can host them for shabbos meals, you can seat them together at a wedding.
And mw13, its not the boy with the longer list, its the boy who actuall dates more people who is more exposed to the risk. If he has a long list, but marries the first one, that’s it.
And why do you call it a tayvah? They want to get married. Initial meeting point is often a moot point. Do you think MO people who meet on their own are just “in it for the tayvah”? Or do you think there is a chance they want to get married. Or is that just a yeshivish thing?