Such feelings are common but if you harp on them you will only be digging a pit for yourself and your probably blameless spouse. You do not mention what these unpleasant surprises are so we are left to assume they are of the sort that practically everyone encounters including your spouse. She may not be so discouraged by her surprises because either she had less expectations or is just more able to be sameach bechelka. I must assume she has positive things about her and that she didn’t intentionally fool you about important issues. Romance is illusory and usually dims after marriage. Any girl or boy is usually on their best behavior when dating and especially girls doing their utmost to enhance their appearance, a level that rarely is maintained after marriage. The day to day grind of life is natural and the focus should be on building a amicable home life with as few waves as possible not a lot of fun and good times. Sometimes a souse spends too much time with old friends or their family which might create resentment. There are issues of all sorts that could be ironed out or just accepted and not turn into reasons to ruin such an important commitment and mar another human beings life or hurt their feelings because they are not quite what you expected. Rarely, if ever, is another human being being quite what one expects. Is the other person at fault or our expectations? This requires fair and mature consideration. Focus on the good aspects of your spouse – is she healthy and more or less agreeable as a person. It is unjust because you may not have entered this commitment with a realistic attitude to consider that it is not such a big deal in today’s even Orthodox society to divorce. This should be the furthest thing from your mind. Be fair and considerate and you may be able to turn around your attitude and judge your mate more kindly and considerately. HATZLACHA RABBAH TO YOU BOTH…
