shtarkzich -“You do not mention what these unpleasant surprises are so we are left to assume they are of the sort that practically everyone encounters including your spouse.”
You have a pretty decent post except for the above. Do Not assume that there aren’t major problems. Some people are afraid to post everything on a public website due to the fact that they are scared s/o might figure out their identity, even though they post anon.
This is why I strongly suggest going to another therapist because he/she might be able to get to the bottom of this. If there is a major issue going on he/she might suggest divorce. IMO, if he/she says this – listen – because in the long run it will be better for both of you. Trust me, there will be many people telling you not to, not limited to – Rabbonim, Rosh Yeshivos, your family members, her family members, your friends, her friends and many more.