This is something I work so hard on understanding. It is true that I have learned to pity mean, hurtful people and it has changed my life. Unfortunately, when someone is as you describe, it is hard to forgive them, and hard to understand why Hashem requires it of you. The two people who I have not been able to forgive fit much of your description but they would never think to apologize for anything. They, too, believe they are doing the right thing for the klal. The worst for me is that I can extricate myself from the situation but they are hurting many others and I cannot change anything. So how do I forgive them when it continues?
I am working on this with a friend and we learned that you are supposed to forgive their actions because this is what Hashem wanted for both of you. But you are NOT required to forget, or to pretend it never happened. You can tell yourself that this person’s behavior is pathetic, that you pray he will learn what he is doing wrong and correct it, and know with a full heart that Hashem meets out punishment as required to those who have earned it. Beyond that, you do not need to send him flowers or invite him for tea. Just don’t spit when he walks by.
Even this has been very difficult for me because this man is in chinuch and my children are involved, but I am davening that Hashem give me the ability to forgive as he requires.