I think you are all missing the point.
Each parent has their roll in their home and in their raising of their children. There is not enough space here to go into all the details, but…
For whatever reason, the father’s/husband’s place is at the head of the table. The mother plays a different roll at the seuda, sitting with her children etc., for whatever reason. This is in no way, ch”v, showing that a mother’s/wife’s roll is any less important than the roll of the man. It is just a different roll, albeit at least as important.
When a husband “honors” his wife to sit in his seat, he is sending a message that sitting in that seat is more honorable, chashuv, and important than sitting where his wife usually sits. This sends a message to the children that husband/ father is king. Mommy/wife is slave. This is not a good message!
Children must realize that even though their father and mother have different rolls in their homes, they are both equally important. Maybe their mother does not sit at the head of the table because she is showing more of the ahava, the softer hand which the children need. The father is showing more of a fear- yirah- which the children also need. The children need the mothers softness and their father’s firmness. They are both equally important.
Don’t give over the wrong message. Don’t let children think that Mommy is not as important as Totty, and for Mommy’s b-day she gets to be as important as Totty for a day.
This is not a good message! Not a good idea!! Both parents are important for what they do!!