Reply To: Rabbonim and Shalom Bayis Problems

It gets interesting when those who know way too little blast their opinions about a subject. There are rotten apples in every barrel, and there will be therapists who are not good just like individuals in any other career. But most therapists are trained well, have a professional code of ethics that they follow, and work within a domain of their training and experience. So the anti-therapy people out there are actually barking in the wind.

Feif un was correct in the quote from his Rosh Yeshiva complaining about the misuse of the Rebbe. In one of the last issues of the Jewish Observer, Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz (from Monsey – Yeshiva Darchei Noam – Project YES) wrote a feature article addressing the differing areas for which we turn to Gedolim and Rabbonim and how these are easily confused and misused. Not all Rabbonim are qualified to give advice, and many excuse themselves from it.

The Steipler Gaon ZT”L would have numerous people coming to him with “kvitlach” as one would bring to a chassidishe rebbe. He complained (I was present and heard this), “Ich bin nit kein rebbe. Far vos kumen zei tzu mir?” He told me that he takes these kvitlach, places them in a drawer, and each night he recites a perek tehilim in front of the drawer. No one will question the gadlus of the Steipler. And his role of the talmid chochom, was actually his responsibility. We are told, “yeilech aitzel chochom v’yevakesh olov rachamim.” Go to a chochom and he will daven for the choleh.

Sometimes there is a case that is quite simple, and anyone with common sense and objectivity can give advice. The automobile version of this might be to put air in the tire that is low. But most cases land in front of a third party when there are accumulated layers of complexity. Some people have already taken actions that are severe, whether it involves money, violence or other forms of abuse, meddling of outsiders, legal actions, etc. The amateurs who wish to help are overwhelmed by all this, and lack the skills to navigate the jungle of issues. Rabbonim might serve as a first step, but need to be able to move a case to where it can be resolved, one way or the other. Sometimes ???? ???? ??? ??? ????? might spell divorce.