Reply To: Rabbonim and Shalom Bayis Problems

avhaben:

I love your question. It points directly to the fact that you lack the basic information about the subject. You should have first asked those questions before berating an entire profession.

Firstly, marital therapy, as well as all the other forms of psychological therapy are not medicine. Psychiatrists, having their medical training, have the additional resource of prescribing medications for certain conditions. The talk therapies are not medicine. However, there are some interesting parallels.

Secondly, social workers and psychologists, as well as other newer fields of mental health, undergo intensive education and training. There are academic courses, where one must demonstrate the achievement of the knowledge. These encompass theories (a variety of them, often conflicting with each other) as well as research that studies various aspects of human behavior. There is also a major component of supervised activity, where therapists begin working in the field, as in internships, where all work is closely supervised. They are given the guidance to develop the skills and to improve them while doing actual work. No, the clients are not subjected to “students”, because supervisors assume the responsibility for each case throughout treatment. This way, there is something to protect the client if there would be an error. Each field has its own structure for this training. I have a close friend that attended several extended trainings long after graduating with an advanced degree. This took much time and expense. Most therapists also have collegial relationships with other professionals which they use for “peer supervision”. These activities are the professional version of ??? ?? ?? ???? ?? ???.

We are fortunate to have stories of gedolim and tzaddikim who perceptibly knew exactly what to say to someone in emotional pain. Without a doubt, this was an implementation of ??? ?? ???? ?? ????? ??. The Torah even contains how to fix your car when there is engine trouble. Torah is the blueprint for everything. But neither you nor I possess the keys to unlock this information. Once in a while, there is someone whose kedusha takes them to that level where they can truly master all these skills with just their Torah knowledge. Do you know anyone at that madreigo today? As matters stand, my experiences, via several friends who are therapists, is that rabbonim today inflict more damage than help, and that the therapists are busy fixing up what they rabbonim ruined. I opened this thread to collect other viewpoints and perhaps other experiences.

Perhaps a perusal of some of the books that you may find in your seforim store that discuss marriage will enlighten you more than comments in the CR. Check out those written by professionals, and tell me that they were less knowedgeable that the Rov whose training is to pasken right vs. wrong (which is most destructive in working with a struggling couple).