Reply To: Rabbonim and Shalom Bayis Problems

Reb Dovid Weinberger addressed the topic of his article and his connection to the field – abuse. Unfortunately, domestic violence is among those plagues that has affected the frum community. I hope the reader of the above comment does not get the idea that Reb Dovid is proclaiming that abuse is the only area in which rabbonim lack appropriate training. There are many, many other areas that have a similar picture.

Firstly, what do rabbonim know about abuse which is not physical? I won’t answer. I will suggest that anyone who is inquisitive will ask their Rav.

Secondly, what do rabbonim know about how a spouse should deal with a partner who is cheating, addicted to alcohol/drugs/illicit relationships/internet and its schmutz/gambling? Again, I won’t answer. Just ask your Rav.

Thirdly, should quarreling couples go away for vacations together? Should the husband buy flowers or gifts for his wife?

Fourthly, can a wife who fears her husband be permitted to refrain from intimacy until their relationship improves?

How should a spouse behave when the other is diagnosed with mental illness and is in treatment?

When in-laws or parents intervene, what role should they be allowed to take?

Questions like these abound. While any response would require an assessment of the individual case, we can look at the general issues as common enough that any Rav should grasp the extent of the domain of his expertise. And many of these would be viewed very differently by the trained person versus the untrained.

I agree with Reb Dovid about abuse. But maybe we should extend that suggestion to the rest of the parsha.