When people come to a Rav it is important that they agree to either stay togehter or break up , whichever, but that it will be done in an amicable manner. Nothing is gained by getting an army of friends and relatives involved. Nothing is gained by sharing private details with a curious group of friends. The developmental health of the children and the effect on their perception of a relationship needs to override personal vendettas and ta’anos. If it is to stay together it needs to be Bishalaom. But even if it splits it needs to be Bishalom. They will one day want to be at the chassunos of children, simchos of grandchildren… thre is no place for overt animosity and hatred.
They are not exempt from the Mitzvah of Viahavta or of greeting people with a kind face. It may be hard.. sometimes avodas Hashem is that way. But we can live up to tall expectations.