One could say there are many shades of grey in a relationship. Sometimes the grey is more black, towards being dominant/tyrannical. Other times, it is more white, towards making the deciding choice after all input is had. Just because someone is in a grey area does not make him/her abusive.
To explain, there is a grey line between the husband being the king and being abusive, just like a king can become a tyrant. Having the final say does not mean that one side will not convince the decider what the proper the direction is. Communication is key.
As Chazal say: “Zoche Nasis Ozer, Lo Zacah, Nasis K’Negdo”. If one is Zoche & wise, their wife becomes their support. If not, she becomes an adversary. A supportive relationship is not abusive.