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Radiantglow: Wherever you go there will be shules and social circles where you feel you have to keep up with the joneses. It is all a matter of where you Daven and who your social circle is and the pressure you put on yourself. In NY there are all types.If you are coming without money Yeshiva tuition and needs for your son can be overwhelming. As referenced above NY would have the best support system. Do not feel overwhelmed. In NY tuition per child will be between 5-10 thousand. Out of ny and in certain ny suburbs tution will be between 10-18thousand and scholarships will not be as forthcoming. Additionally as referenced above special needs cannot be matched. Coming from Eretz Yisroel where you have plethora of shopping and yeshivas and then going to a one horse town would be very hard. Additionally parnasa wise baltimore and nyc would be much easier for your husband to find work.