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This is getting a bit off topic, please start a new topic called “definition of frum.” For all those who answered my question- thank you so much. I just wanted to comment on one of the answers I saw by funnybone-
” I believe that it’s okay to tell children that grandma and grandpa aren’t as religious as we are. You can explain why you feel religion is important and that you live in a community where you and your children can have friends with similar religious values. Grandma and grandpa grew up in a different environment, went to different schools, didn’t have such a great community etc., but cared very much that their children should be more religious than them.”
When I say I don’t want to give an answer that makes the grandparents look like resha’im, it’s not only because I want the children to respect them (which is also very important). It’s also because, to put it bluntly, kids have big mouths. And things you say to the kids about grandparents may end up getting back to them. I wouldn’t want the grandparents to be insulted by things that are said to the kids. Implying that the grandparents aren’t so religious, when they think they are, may be hurtful to them, even if you could say it in a way that the children understand.