Wow. Just in time for my re-joining.
You definitely have very valid arguments. (I do think the minhag avelim thing is true)
The main part of the game, AND YOUR S’CHAR is how you deal with her. “l’fum tzaara agra” – reward (here in this world and the next) is according to and multiplied by the difficulty. I may not be of any help or consolation tho you – but alot of poeple have that same issue. Rabbi Miller zta”l says that these encounters and trials are what makes us grow. We don’t beg HaShem to give us such nisyonos, but in retrospect we can elevate ourselves to actually thank HaShem for it – ???? ?? ?????? another meaning is to thank HaShem for affliction – because ???? ?? ?????? it was for out own benefit.
Most people have a way to get through to them. Diplomacy, with tenderness, calm. Maybe humor. It IS demanding. But rewarding.
Hatzlacha.