There are many different ways of serving Hashem within a Torah network. Don’t try to box yourself in. Within the Chareidi/ Yeshivish community, there are many different customs. The Gedolim say not to use the internet, yet many yeshivish people do. Some people have filtered internet, and some people have no internet, and some people have nonfiltered internet. At the end of the day, Halacha is the same for all Jews, no matter what community you affiliate yourself with. The key thing is to not stress out. If I had to label myself, I could call myself the black hat- Bais Yaakov- NCSYer, because I consider myself all these things equally, other people look at me differently, and say “She is religious” or “She is a baal teshuva and therefore it makes sense for her to do ______________” I remember when I decided two weeks before 12th grade started to switch from my public school to one of the local bais yaakov that I thought to myself, I am not so sure I want to go in the black hat direction, yet I knew absolutely nothing about being a bais yaakov girl, and I am in Israel now, and I had a number of issues with seminary “A” and I had to leave that seminary, and I just keep on thinking to myself, wow, I actually want to go to a Bais Yaakov seminary, my year at that bais yaakov school in my community was amazing! and I have realized that I have taken on many blackhat nuances, yet, I am still the same me, I might wear slightly different clothes, but I still have a personality, and most of the same interests that I had before, I still fight with my mom over wantin designer clothes, but now I just go to a gemach and get them, and I don’t freak out anymore about the hashkafa, I just grow at my own pace, and I strongly suggest that you do that as well.
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