PuhLease:
I am sorry you don’t believe that yiddishkeit is the best. My guess is that when you weighed the pros and cons, your experience and logic led you to the conclusion that you would rather exercise other options. You probably do not believe in organized religion. You would probably answer that the thing that chased you away from frumkeit is the behavior and attitude of frum Jews. And you probably did not regularly have enjoyable shabbos seudos at home-maybe good food but probably not a lot of singing, understandable divrei torah and comraderie. How close am I?
Please note, while being frum is of utmost importance, it is heartwarming to hear that you still conduct yourself with the moidesty of a bas melech. I think we can all agree that people are imperfect. But the RBSO is perfect and he continues to love you. Stay connected.