Zahava’sDad, on the topic of lavish parties like Bas Mitzvah and weddings, you might enjoy this, from a shiur by R’ Itamar Schwartz, the author of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh seforim (which, by the way, are available online for free in English and are highly recommended). I also recommend reading the whole (transcribed) shiur — it’s quite a read!
“Is our life serving its proper purpose? I’ll give an example that applies even in Israel. There are weddings for 3-4 hours in the evening and people do whatever they can to make them bigger and bigger, and spend tens of thousands. Did Avraham marry Sarah also in such a way? Is Hashem really pleased with all this lavishness and these five-course dinners?
When a girl is born and they make a Kiddush, people say, ‘Mazal Tov,’ and fill their bellies with all the delicacies of the world. What is the point? Does anyone really think that Hashem is pleased that everyone is eating more and more kugel and cholent?
Although there was a minhag (custom) to make a Kiddush, the real minhag was to thank Hashem, except that in addition, since we have a body, we need to have some food to involve the body also in the simchah (celebration). They really wanted to thank Hashem, but they added a little food. Where has it come now? They don’t thank Hashem any more. So what remains? Just more and more food. If a person doesn’t want to make such a Kiddush, he is criticized for not keeping ancestral tradition. To the contrary, keep the minhag! Gather people who can understand gratitude to Hashem, and also add a little food for the body. But now, the soul of it, the thanks, is gone, and only the food for the body remains.
This was a single example of our whole way of life nowadays. The soul is more and more hidden, and there is more and more body. Had I not seen this with my own eyes, I would not believe it. If one doesn’t live here and suddenly visits and sees it, he cannot fathom this. Are these proper, sincerely religious Jews? It is unbelievable.”