Our first baby was born a year after we got married, and I was already thinking I’ll be one of those with 5 kids under age 5.
Starting from when she was in playgroup, my daughter kept asking us when she’ll get a real baby and be a big sister. None of her peers was an only child. While she did enjoy our undivided attention, sometimes it was too much for her, and that was when I realized that a child NEEDS siblings, perhaps even as much as parental attention.
She was in Pre-1A when our son was born, and that was the end of my secondary infertility. Boruch Hashem, we now have a houseful of children.
It seemed to me that while there is much awareness about the pain of infertility, people are totally oblivious to the pain of secondary infertility. It’s not obvious that you’re infertile (BC, miscarriages, etc.). I couldn’t share my pain with anyone except Hashem because the few times I tried to share with a friend, they’d be incredulous that I could even feel pain over not having another child yet, when so many people were waiting for their firsts.
It was better like this; I built a stronger relationship with Hashem. I knew He validated my pain because He gave me the ability to feel in the first place. I also knew that He wanted me to utilize the pain for growth. I became more sensitive to the pain that others might carry even if they didn’t seem to have any reason to be in pain. I began viewing people’s misbehaviors as stemming from their pain, whatever the source of which might be. This helped me act more supportively toward them; I saw them as people in pain, instead of annoying creatures or worse.
I could go on and on about my growth spurt, but it’s getting quite trite, cliche, and hackneyed (my vocabulary teacher would be proud!), and it’s starting to fall into the category of too-long-to-read posts.
I just want to add this thought which gives me chizuk:
The essence of Tefilla is the internalization that our salvation can only come from Hashem. We pray not in order to inform Hashem of our needs, but in order to remind ourselves of our total dependence on Him.