kapusta, YOU ARE RIGHT. Before I met my husband my parents did EXTENSIVE research, besides for the fact that our families knew eachother slightly. After that, my mother in law met me and my father met my husband. Then we met to see that we had common grounds. Our first meetings were not longer than 2 hours, so that we were each thirsty for more. Our later meetings were as long as we needed to discuss Hashkafa and our goals for the future. we met 4 times in total. (I was not forced into anything, this was not the first boy I met, but I only met 3 other boys, and the other boys worked the same way, extensive research, parents meeting first and then boy and girl. When either one of us felt this wasn’t it, we didnt continue.) Once we got engaged we spoke minimally during the engagement and did not meet often. How did I feel before my wedding? regular Nervous of course, but excited to get to know my chosson better!
I have never experienced “the other” way, but this seems to work and in my circles, there are rarely broken engagements.