Quoting Oomis “The so-called extensive research that parents are doing really has no bearing on what type of couple the children will be together. Knowing that a bochur is a good learner, says nothing whatsoever about what kind of husband he will be (other than probably continue to be a good learner). Knowing what seminary she went to says nothing about her chessed, compassion, cooking skills, love of children, affectionate nature, etc. The research usually involves the asking of questions about naarishkeit (type of tablecloth, plastic vs. china, tied shoes or loafers, etc.). “
It is obvious that you have never done EXTENIVE research. We are asking things you are trying to figure out ON a date, we are trying to confirm BEFORE the date. Including middos, personality, chessed, compassion, love of children, affectionate nature etc. Everyone knows that a boy and girl on a date are on their best behavior. Dont you think that speaking to a boy or girls roommate, co-counslor, neighbor, etc pple that have seen him through thick and thin would bring you the most accurate info? Dont forget that boys and girls are on their best behaviors on a date. Then of course the boy and girl can meet to “spend time having meaningful conversation about their hopes and dreams, the path they want to follow in the future,the kind of family they want to raise. “
You are right “everything can look perfect on paper, but the shidduch is still NOT GOOD.” that is why we meet and are not commited beforehand. Like I said, even after research we still dont have to marry the first boy we meet.