I’m asking out of curiosity of those who dated a longer time and also met often during the engagement period if you became conscious of negative character trait(s) (that every human possesses)of your future spouse and if you did, how did you deal with that issue?
I have a similar situation to the Wolf. My husband and I dated for a rather long time, in part because we started dating for silly reasons when we were in high school. But once we were old enough (at the age of 18) to realize that we wanted to be married and have a life together, it wasn’t exactly possible to get married right away. We both went to college, and were finishing up our first year , so we had absolutely no means of supporting ourselves. With that, we got very little support from our parents because they thought we were so young. We did get engaged about a year later, once everyone was on board and our finances were figured out. Throughout the engagement period we met often and to be honest, we both felt that we were only growing closer in the excitement for our futures. I think that negative attributes come out once a couple is married and living together. It is only then that you really see all sides of a person.
B”H everything has been wonderful, I think that a major reason for this is because when a problem or an argument arises we make sure to take a step back, let the argument happen, but make it a constructive argument where in the end we both feel as if we know more about each other. I think it goes back to the expectations. I won’t say that I didn’t have some expectations of what life would be like once I was married, of course I did. But I knew that it wasn’t going to be a fairy tale. I think that knowing this helps us both make the best of everything and allows for better communication. IMO it is effective communication that makes a great marriage.