Reply To: I am very sick. Please daven for me.

Dear friends: Thanks for the support. I should have mentioned that this hospital stay was my 5th in two years. I have had four major surgeries, one of which was to debride a large portion of my underside after contracting sepsis in the hospital. I was 50/50 between life and death. That is why this quick onset of infection shocked me so much. I was feeling fine and it came on immediately and I was back in the hospital in excruciating pain.

I now carry the fear that this will happen to me repeatedly and it makes me very depressed. I had to cancel two potential parnassah meetings due to my lack of energy. I am trying to get into the Ellul frame of mind but it is impossible.

On the positive side, I did shower today! Minyan gal, I do indeed have a shower seat and have been using it for nearly two years. The major obstacle was covering my PICC line so it wouldn’t get wet. That could lead to another infection. Basically I am tethered twice a day to two intravenous antibiotics: vancomycin and one whose name escapes me. I know they are a positive thing, but I feel very trapped and hopeless. My wife administers the IV antibiotics in the morning and at night. My wife has become my caregiver and it is very stressful for her as well.

aries2756, you hit the nail on the head. I do need to clear out the negativity. It is just so hard. I am usually the joke teller, the comforter, the one helping others.

Anyhow, I am rambling… Thank you ALL for the kind words, encouragement, brachos and tefilos. With the help of G-d I will recover and move on. I will update you. Let me take this opportunity to beg for mechila if I have offended or hurt any of you in any of my posts. May you ALL be inscribed for a year of gezunt, refuah, parnassah, kalkalah, hatzlacha rabah, nachas and geulah!