Hi yich.
You are very clear and fair in your assessment of the question being asked by Patri.
It is clear you fall on the side of neutralizing blame, for the most part, which is a good thing.
But when something as severe as divorce happens, it is not like two people just took a turn down the wrong street and ended up divorced scratching their heads and shrugging their shoulders in confusion.
It is also not usual for two people to decide at the same time and to the same degree to start shirking their responsibilities and courtesies to their marriage partner.
In fact, I would suggest that in divorce at least one person WILL accept blame and say it is their fault, validating Patri’s curiosity as expressed in the question.
I think you are both in a valid place. Patri is curious, and to me, if someone takes the “blame” it can help to rectify the situation, if possible. You are taking a posture of being gentle and not wanting to add harm to a bad situation.
I am not sure you two are in conflict conceptually, but possibly compatible parts to a whole.