WIY: I have heard of many cases where the Rav/teacher/friend who acts as a therapist really thinks that his friend/student/Talmid is better off not being married to the person and therefore feels the right thing to do is to give advice that will eventually break up the marriage. In fact, I once had a former Rosh Chaburah crying to me asking me how to do T’shuvah for the two couples he broke up. He thought he was doing the right thing because he felt that these particular marriages were hurting his Talmidim’s ability to learn, and he didn’t even realize he was doing it until after the fact. I am not saying that these stories are common or normal, but things like this do happen and they can happen to people in all walks of life. Anyone in a position of giving advice on a serious topic has to truly search themselves to make sure they have no vested interests whatsoever in the outcome of the situation. For that reason, if nothing else, it’s worth it to go to a trained, respected therapist over a friend/Rav/teacher/mentor. You know that they have no vested interest in the outcome and are there to only do their job and can’t be biased. Even if you trust your Rav or friend, they can’t always even know for sure that they don’t have some hidden ulterior motive that not even they will realize until it’s too late.
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