We have let the dating process be taken out of the hands of the principal parties, the actual DATERS, and put it into the hands of shadchanim, parents, “resume” readers (and boy, do I DETEST that word – it’s not a job interview!), endless “researchers” (there’s another word I can’t stand – you’re not doing a paper for class), and several others. Instad of encouraging young men and women who presumably are old enough to be getting married, actually be respopnsible for themselves, we have a generation of people who are being infantilized on every level.
They do not know how to socialize in a normal way, to carry on a normal conversation with someone of the opposite gender. They need “coaches” and “dating mentors” to help them “navigate the process” (not my words, by the way). This was UNHEARD of when I was dating some 40 years ago.
We are not allowing our kids to grow up, either, in a realistic way. When they actually DO get married, they often have no idea of what the real world of married life, especially where finances are concerned. It is a huge shock to many young couples when they discover the real cost of living.
There ARE too many unrealistic expectations in the dating process, but IMO the worst problem is that the daters expect the process to go smoothly because “on paper” everything looks great. Well, we don’t marry paper, we marry a person, who is not two-dimensional. Only taking the time to get to know someone, gives one a fighting chance of making the right decision, though there are no guarantees. Also, people have to start making the effort to give a shidduch a chance, even when it does not appear so perfect on paper. That was my two cents. (Off the soapbox, now).