LJ that wasn’t his question. He was asking why everyone gets so hung up on finding a fairytale that they forget that they’re marrying a human being.”
Thanks, and FTR, I am female.
To address LJ’s comments, We had wonderful Gedolim when I was growing up, Rav Moshe ZT”L for one. Shidduchim were not conducted as they are today, and we had FAR fewer unmarried men and women in those years. The process was more normal, people didn’t check things out to death, they went out if someone was suggested to them by a friend or a relative, or if they met them at Shul, in college, at singles events that were actually fun to attend and ENCOURAGED the mixing of the frum singles.
We do not live in the society of two thousand years ago.We live in a time when men and women are in the workforce together, on public streets together, and in other situations where they will be SOMEWHERE together. Deal with it. We have to learn how to be tzniusdig on ALL circumstances of life, not by pretending that the opposite gender does not exist, but by learning kosher, proper, ways to interact. That is not happening today, as our yungerleit (and not everyone is Kollel yungerleit ftr), are unable to sustain normal conversations with women EVEN for dating purposes. I might want to eat a cheeseburger, but it is forbidden to me. So even though I smell that wonderful odor wafting from MacDonald’s, I am NOT going in there, even if I am RAVENOUS because I have not eaten all day. A little self-control goes a long way.
As to hotel lobbies, personally as a Modern Orthodox Machmir, I think that those are TERRIBLE places to go for a date. Do you have any idea what pritzus goes on in hotels, that could be happening in front of our young people’s very eyes or even just the knowledge that it might be going on??? I am not being sarcastic. My daughter was taken on such a date, and witnessed what was clearly a pickup. THAT’S where we want our kids to date, rather than to go out for a slice of pizza, if they cannot afford dinner in a restaurant? And do you really believe we need a heter for someone to go out to a restaurant, sport event, etc. if they are not on a date? OK, I respect your opinion.