I don’t know what you want to bring out about the Agudah singles events.
The fact that in the MO crowd many do not wish to get married is, to me, the biggest condemnation if their “system”.
Al Rishon Rishon:
The Agudah singles events should be replicated. Both boys and girls should know they can be “forward” with each other, noting that it is for Tachlis only. Part of the problem of the shidduch system is that even when they are dating, they only stick their toe in. After all, everyone knows that taking to the opposite gender is Assur, and it is very difficult to change that attitude.
I have heard that in Lakewood, they tell the boys not to call the girl by her name until you are almost ready to get engaged! My Hadracha has it the the dating process is meant to get closer to the girl. First names SHOULD be used, as that is what creates a relationship. (I could add a cheeky comment regarding Bochim in Lakewood not being interested in a relationship with the girl, but with the shver and his wallet, but I’ll let that be).
As far as your second point, which came first? Does “Yeshivish” society value marriage becuse without it girls have no place or as an inherent value? Do other societies not value “making a family” because they disvalue it, or due to the hardships it creates?
As a family man, I don’t disagree with you, but I do see the other side. I know many “UWS type” who come from “yeshivish” families but are straight out scared to start a family, together with all of the achrayis that comes with it. They THEREFORE move to the UWS, where they can be accepted as an individual.
I don’t envy their choices. Either live a life in poverty, living off others and Tzedaka until they die (which is the Israeli Charaidi approach), or settling down in their early thirties and having fewer children. Planning would have gotten them out of the mess, but high schools and Sems (as well as Rosh Yeshivas) don’t encourage planning. to paraphrase Chazal: Ezehu Chacham, Haroeh that you (Bezras Hashem) will have to pay tuition in 5 years.