I’m sick and tired of shadchanim and other well meaning people blaming all the issues on the boys. Why don’t we come up with a list of common maidlechkeit things that we would like to see in girls?
- The girl come down not more than five minutes after the boy enters the house. No bachur is that interesting that the parents need to speak with him for a quarter hour before introducing their daughter.
- Girls should not be dishonest with the boy. If there is something that they want, they should ask him instead of getting upset about it later. He’s not a mind reader and he probably hasn’t been married before, so give him a little leeway in figuring out what you want.
- Girls should be honest with the shadchan. If something bothers her, she should say so. The shadchan must pass this on to the boy. Obviously if there is something that he needs to improve upon himself, he’s not going to get any better unless someone tells him.
- Girls should not be so into looks. Shaving with a kosher shaver can be difficult. Just because he has a scab on his face and bits of hair in his nose, doesn’t mean he’s a slob.
- The boy may have driven far to pick you up. Have a bit of derech eretz in what he wants to do. He may not want to drive far for the date and he may want to go to a place where there are drinks.
- This is crucial: Listen to everything your mother says, but take it with a grain of salt. She wants the best for you, but often times a normal mother can turn into Mrs. Helicopter when it comes to picking out the perfect guy for you.
- He may want to go to work right away with no time in kollel. There is nothing wrong with that. Same goes with college.
- If there is something about him that would be a deal breaker for you (i.e. Not interested in going into Chinuch or parents are Ba’alei Teshuvas) find out before you go out and waste everyones time
- Did I mention communication with the shadchan? Communicate with the shadchan. If you feel uncomfortable communicating with him/her, then he/she’s obviously not a good shadchan for you and a better one should be found.